As most parents will tell you, a typical day for them is long and exhausting. Their days begin far too early. They spend countless hours preparing lunch, waiting for school pick-up to arrive late, and trying to get everyone to bed on time. At least initially, this chaotic schedule is simply viewed as the nature of their job. As such, most parents continue pushing forward in order to provide for their children and meet their daily obligations. However, at some point, normal fatigue gives rise to a more serious issue. Sleep does not fix the problem. Parents’ patience wears off much quicker than usual. Small incidents (e.g., spilling a drink, forgetting a permission slip, etc.) land with greater force than previously experienced. This represents a signal for a parent to pay close attention to their current state of well-being. Typically, this marks a turning point when the stress becomes chronic versus situational.
Identifying the point at which parental stress shifts from situational to chronic is important. When a parent reaches a breaking point emotionally, this creates an atmosphere of tension throughout the entire household, not just within one person. Children are able to detect tone and overall stress levels even if they are unable to articulate why. Therefore, maintaining your own composure serves as a means of creating stability for your family.
One major challenge for parents seeking assistance is the fact that obtaining support is seemingly impossible due to lack of time. While time presents itself as the primary obstacle, it is not the sole obstacle. Privacy is difficult to attain in a household filled with people. Concerns include who will watch the children while a parent attends an appointment, the guilt associated with spending money on oneself, and the overwhelming number of insurance-related issues that complicate the process of acquiring support. Consequently, many parents opt to cope with ongoing stress without pursuing the necessary steps to seek support. A practical initial action that may reduce barriers related to support acquisition is to determine whether services such as online counseling may be included under your medical plan. Online counseling provides several advantages including eliminating the challenges of finding childcare and reducing transportation barriers that limit many individuals prior to commencing services.
Signs that indicate chronic stress has developed
Chronic stress and burnout are not identical concepts although they overlap. Stress is generally episodic whereas burnout is persistent. Burnout may appear in forms of apathy (as opposed to irritability) related to routine responsibilities, dread of completing daily tasks that were once managed without difficulty, and subsequent remorse following outbursts.
Patterns that commonly develop among stressed-out parents include:
While these represent indicators that chronic stress exists, none indicate a flaw in a parent’s ability to be a good parent. These indicators demonstrate a sign similar to a runner experiencing knee pain: both require intervention or modification. Additionally, when a parent receives support for their mental health, it promotes resiliency and supports their capacity to maintain mental wellness as a parent.
How does chronic stress develop?
Another factor contributing to the development of chronic stress as it relates to parents is that the effects of chronic stress build gradually in the background. Rarely does chronic stress result from one catastrophic event; instead, it develops as the cumulative effect of managing multiple responsibilities simultaneously (workplace responsibility, relationship(s), health needs) while caring for dependent others (children).
Caring for children with their own set of struggles or providing emotional support to a spouse dealing with significant adversity places additional strain on a parent. A principle found in how families collaborate regarding care support is that when relatives contribute to caregiving efforts collectively, members of that family typically remain more committed to those efforts. This mirrors a sentiment many parents share: the home and family are interconnected systems. As such, what maintains equilibrium in one area will likely stabilize or destabilize the entire system.
What support actually entails
Acquiring support as a parent does not necessitate altering every aspect of your life. In some cases, support begins with a single phone call with your physician during a regular checkup; speaking with friends who have endured similar experiences; or communicating via video with a licensed therapist after your children go to bed.
Thanks to advancements in technology, online and virtual options have simplified the process of taking that first step towards developing a support network. You can communicate with a therapist from the comfort of your kitchen table without needing to arrange for someone to watch your children and transport you to an office. Some individuals prefer the virtual option because it provides greater privacy; however, others prefer in-person appointments. Ultimately, the decision surrounding preference lies solely with you. The key consideration is aligning your chosen method with your true life situation rather than attempting to replicate an idealized scenario.
If you are considering using virtual care, performing research beforehand will assist in avoiding future frustration. Plans vary concerning which virtual services are covered by insurance, requirements pertaining to referrals, and application of telemedicine policies. Prior to scheduling your first appointment, understanding these distinctions will eliminate potential surprises.
Methods that protect your stability
Large-scale modifications are challenging when you are currently operating beyond your capacity; therefore, making incremental adjustments typically yields greater success. Several methods parents find manageable:
While these actions cannot remove the underlying burden, nor serve as substitutes for authentic support when circumstances become overwhelming; they are analogous to maintenance activities that sustain exhausted systems from further decline.
When is more help needed?
Parents experience differences between seasons of high levels of stress and periods characterized by prolonged struggles. If symptoms of low mood, anxiety or excessive exhaustion have persisted for weeks; resulted in decreased functioning in various aspects of your life; or made caring for yourself or your children increasingly burdensome, this represents grounds upon which to discuss treatment with an expert professional. Seeking help is not indicative that you have failed as a parent. Rather, reaching out equates to acknowledging that chronic stress has developed and requiring additional support is warranted.
A parent’s emotional health constitutes a fundamental component in maintaining familial dynamics and stability. Although no expectation exists that you become the perfect parent who never encounters overwhelm; recognizing when you have reached maximum capacity and that readily accessible support is available for you to pursue is vital.
Safety Disclaimer
If you or someone you love is in crisis, call 911 or go to the nearest emergency room. You can also call or text 988, or chat via 988lifeline.org to reach the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline. Support is free, confidential, and available 24/7.
Author Bio
Earl Wagner is a health content strategist focused on behavioural systems, clinical communication, and data-informed healthcare education.
